The Back End
No, not that one.
There are a few stories attached to the back end. Heck, pretty much every piece of material I have used seem to pop out a few extras other than the usual of popping down to the hardware/woodyard.
The vertical lining boards (that’s what I used them for anyway) were a curiosity that were amongst my dads extensive pile of material. There was enough bar about 14 linear metres, the problem being I had never seen the grooving used on one side before and it had a few defects in it. So, I took a sample down to the local timber merchant I frequent. Apparently this was manufactured for the European market for external decking and not common. However, the grooving on the back matched the standard flooring of similar size as did the tongue and groove edge. How and why a couple of squares ended up in a country town in Western Australia I don’t know. There wasn’t any used on my dads property. Being jarrah and nearly enough was good enough for me.
The decking boards were something else entirely. I received a call from a client whom I had previously done some repair work for .
“Do you know anything about leaking roofs ?”she asked. “I have water coming in above a window.” “ I can certainly have a look and see what can be done” I replied, leaving the answer as wide open as possible. The lady and her husband were in a very nice part of Perth overlooking the coast on a large hill. This had many perks in terms of location however when weather rolled in from the ocean the place got hammered by high winds and heavy rain as there was no buffer between it and the elements.
It was also a renovated and extended home on many levels. The window was in a room which had an open deck directly above it. About 90 square metres of it. With inadequate drainage and roof plumbing , a compromised membrane applied to the concrete roof in several places and ponding from the decking framing which had effectively dammed sections it wasn’t promising. There was no proper fall either so water was ponding anyway. “ You need a specialist trade in tanking and membranes.” I told her after lifting up several boards and looking at all the debris left from the install amongst the other damage and crap work. “Do you know anyone? I don’t know who to ask.” There was bit of a waver in the voice, it was going to be one of those jobs. I informed her that I didn’t but I could make a call.
“Shit, this is a mess. I’m going to need to talk to the manufacturer of the membranes. They have a tech guy who will need to see this first.” It was fair appraisal.
“Fuck, the fall isn’t right. They haven’t put in enough drain points. What the hell did they pipe through that wall for to the box gutter on that lower roof. I don’t think the top of the parapet is waterproofed under that render. There’s water in the goddamn inset bunker lights. That is not a suitable product for this job and it needs stripping off. This is a pile of shit!” The tech guy was a master of understatement.
I informed the lady of the house that some major work was required and that the trades installing the membrane and new screed would be directly dealing with her. My part was to remove the old deck so they could do their work . Access was around the side of the house, up a flight of stairs, across a lower deck and up another flight of stairs. I enlisted the help of a friend and we set to the removal.
The decking was mix of tropical, probably Indonesian and Malaysian hardwood of varying species. There was close to two tonnes rather than one and it all had to be bundled and walked down around those damn steps and the side of the house. There was enough stainless screws to warrant a trip to the scrap metal dealer and get some lunch money. About four cubic metres of semi rotten framing, packing and rubbish was what was left which we gathered up and packed into the skip bin at the front of the house.
I think we managed it in about 3 days of 10-12 hrs. On the last day I had said thanks to my friend who had helped me load up the last of the decking for recycling on dark. Having left I turned to load up the last couple of tool boxes and was blinded by the headlights of a car pulling into the drive.
Must be the husband I thought, I’ll put these in , shut the side door and take my leave. That obviously took to long as the Bentley drove past so close I thought the side mirror was going to hit me and straight into the garage with its automatic door-which promptly shut. Good evening to you too.
A couple of weeks later I stood on the newly screed and tanked roof with the husband discussing options for the new deck and various issues I did not want to replicate from the previous decking install. I also took some pains in advising that more roof plumbing work would be required now that there was a proper fall and the water needed some where to go before I did any work. This would need to be carried out by appropriate trades. “That is not going to happen.” I was bluntly informed. “ You are project managing this.” I was also told.
At that point I was little lost for words. I was also already reconsidering doing any more work there, ever. I think I departed on the proviso of investigating options for the new install. Then the weather came in within a few days and the phone calls started, from the wife. “We have water coming in and we spent all this money !” This escalated quickly to the threat of legal action. The trade who installed the membrane was threatened with the same . It didn’t matter what had been stipulated in the quotations and scope of works or who had done what. It was someones else’s fault.
I had a conversation with my insurer to establish where I was in the scheme of things. Being accused of project managing something and never actually being engaged, paid for in that capacity or volunteering as such meant the act of removing a sub standard deck and being paid for that service wasn’t grounds for legal recourse due to liability. After two weeks of hysterical phone calls from the wife and a temporary fix which I didn’t charge for I decided it was time for the conversation. The husband was awol for this period.
I had found out through other trades and builders the back story of the house. It had been renovated by a man, the previous owner, with extremely large testicles. Maybe it was a shitload of nerve, possibly both. Timing the housing market which was going through the roof in a boom period he engaged a builder who worked on three levels. The bottom one was they do the work under your supervision and any issues arising from the quality of the work is on you including insurance and liability. That was what he did, scraping through the seven year liability period by a matter of months before major faults showed up so he was in the clear, with a few million pocketed from what I could tell. Here is the kicker.
The new owners knew this. In between wailing “Why does this always happen to me?” the wife spilled the beans. This was after I politely informed her the previous owner had shafted them. The conversation ended with me saying that while I was sorry that this had occurred and it wasn’t a nice thing to happen to anyone I was not being held responsible for someone else’s problems. I didn’t add what I thought of the husband.
I never heard from them again. For all that I got to recycle the decking on various jobs. It gave me a lot less grief than the source. Since then, I found out that the 5.7 million dollar property has been flattened and another is being built in its place.
The louvred vent for the end gable was simply some mouldings from a set of doors which were broken down for timber, some slats passed onto me from a mate and offcuts from various jobs. With a challenging quantity of angles and some limitations with the lengths of material at hand it was a rewarding exercise in joinery practise. There was more satisfaction in this part.